An Interesting Situation
by WhatsThatShip
Summary: Minerva the studious witch that she is, cannot in good faith teach something she knows not. Enter Severus Snape to, Save the day? A weird one-shot that I started that morphed into something else entirely. Minerva x Severus, sorta.


"Good evening Minerva," Albus Dumbledore said as Minerva McGonagall walked through the door to his office.

"You wanted to speak with me Albus," she cut right to the point. As much as she enjoyed her talks with him, she had a feeling this was not a social call.

"Yes, I did, please have a seat; would you care for a lemon drop?" He offered her the tin of lemon drops once she had sat in the chair opposite him.

"Albus I must decline and ask that you get to the point, I have essays to mark and half of the first years are homesick and seem to be permanently residing in my office." Not that it really mattered, if Albus wanted her to do something she would end up doing it anyway one way or another.

"Yes, yes, it is a troubling time for the first years. As you know, several seventh-year students are pregnant. Although this is somewhat expected, the numbers continue to increase each year. Therefore, the board of governors have decided that we should include a sexual education class to the fifth years schedule," here he paused to gauge her reaction.

Honestly, she hadn't been paying that much attention to what he was saying until the last bit. Is he craxy, she thought, sexual education for fifth years is ridiculous. Wait a minute, no, no NO, I will not be the one to teach it I refuse. She did her best to give him that don't even suggest it look and of course it didn't work.

Smiling at her reaction, he continued, "So the board of governors has selected you to teach the class. The students will be separated by gender to make it more relevant to their gender. You will…"

"Albus Dumbledore," she interrupted, "I haven't the slightest idea what planet you have been living on, but I will not be responsible for teaching this class." She glared at him as they both sat there silently waiting for the other to concede defeat.

She wasn't going to sit there and let him talk her into it, so she got up to leave. She made it partway to the door when, "Professor McGonagall, you will teach this class unless there is some reason why you cannot."

She paused with her hand on the door. Turning around, she said, "As I have just explained to you, I have my duties as head of house as well as my teaching responsibilities. I don't see where I will find the time for another two classes."

Even though this was true and a reasonable excuse, the real reason was that she was in no way comfortable teaching sexual education to a bunch of fifth years. Dancing lessons for her house was bad enough, but this was way beyond her abilities. The fact of the mater being that she didn't have any experience in that area to begin with and now being expected to teach the students something she herself didn't even feel comfortable with would be disastrous.

Albus knew she had many responsibilities already, but she was the only member of staff that could be trusted to make sure the content was covered thoroughly. Well the real reason he would keep to himself for now.

"You manage your duties exceedingly well and that is one reason why I nominated you for the job. Also, I know that I can trust you to teach the content thoroughly and effectively." He knew how to get her to agree and now it was only a matter of time before she accepted the task.

Turning back to the door, she knew that there was no reason he would accept and she most certainly wasn't going to tell all of her pathetic secrets when in all actuality it still would not make a difference.

"Alright, I will teach the bloody class," and with that she slammed the door behind her as she went to her quarters to regroup and come up with a plan.

The simple fact was that she was not comfortable talking about an act that she had never performed herself. She felt like a nun, but she hadn't taken a vow of celibacy, she just never thought about romance or even sex. Since the time she had left Hogwarts as a student she went straight to work with a transfiguration master in Norway and after that she returned to Hogwarts as the transfiguration professor. There never was much time for dating, and she didn't approve of one-night stands with strangers. Even now at the age of 62, Minerva McGonagall was a virgin and it looked like that status wasn't about to change any time soon.

What was she to do? With great preparation and some luck, she might be able to get through the class by presenting the material in the textbook. Somehow, she knew that the students would be able to see through this and that only left one option. She must figure out a way to gain some sexual experience before the class began.

The next night she went to the three broomsticks, The Hogshead, The Leaky Cauldron, and any other pub she knew of, but couldn't bring herself to approach anybody. Because of her position at the school, she felt it was not appropriate to go around propositioning wizards she barely knew. She then returned to Hogwarts alone and feeling defeated.

Sitting in the staff room the following evening, she finally came up with an idea. She looked around contemplating the other staff. There were few male professors, and the list of all adult males in the castle included: Hagrid, Filch, Flitwick, Dumbledore, Quirrell and Snape. Well Hagrid, and Filch were defiantly out for obvious reasons. Filius was currently married. Quirrell was so nervous that she couldn't stand even talking to him. She had a slight suspicion that Albus was homosexual, so that leaves Snape.

Severus wasn't by any means the ideal partner, but neither was she. He was tall, dark, and well not quite handsome but he was also at least twenty years younger than she was. She suspected that he didn't have much time for romantic endeavors either and that might work to her advantage. Yes, Severus Snape was the most probable candidate.

Later that week, Minerva finally got up the courage to ask Severus to tea in her office. He had agreed and precisely at 8 o'clock he knocked on the door to her office.

"Please come in," she said holding the door open for him. She shut the door and returned to her chair.

Neither made any attempt to speak until at last, Severus asked, "I thought this invitation had included tea?"

"Oh, forgive my thoughtlessness," she said as she arranged the tea.

He sipped his tea as he waited for her to talk, it wasn't his idea, so why should he be responsible for the conversation.

"I apologize for behaving so oddly, but I did ask you here for a reason, it's just a bit difficult to say." She couldn't quite look at him.

"It must be something dreadful to render the great Minerva McGonagall speechless." He said intending to inspire some sort of response from her.

"I was trying to find a way to say this delicately, but if you insist, I'll just get right to it then. The fact of the matter is that I am looking for a sexual partner and thought that you might be up for the job."

He was shocked, this ice queen wanted to shag him. All he could manage was, "Oh."

"Now who's speechless. It's not that big of a deal. You should know that you can say no and I will not be offended."

Glaring at her for turning his words around, he said, "I'm afraid I will need some more information before I can provide an answer."

"Information such as?" she asked.

"Why, would be a good place to start."

"To make a long story short, Albus asked me to teach the new sexual education class, and I don't feel that I'm qualified to do so since I myself am a virgin." There wasn't any going back now.

"I see how that would be uncomfortable, but couldn't you simply refuse to teach the class?" he asked.

"Don't you think I tried, but Albus always gets his way and so of course I didn't exactly tell him the real reason." She tried to explain.

"let me make sure I have the details correct. You are proposing a one-time sexual encounter for academic purposes. You need a teacher."

"In a nutshell, yes. For this purpose, I only require that the act be completed. Other parameters can be agreed upon later."

He took a moment and replied, "I agree. I propose the time be tomorrow night at 10 o'clock. The location is up to you."

"Tomorrow night, 10 o'clock at my quarters." she stated.

Rising from his seat, he replied, "Until then," and returned to his own quarters in the dungeons.

The appointed time came around all too quickly for Minerva's liking. At precisely 10, there was a knock at her door. Opening the door, she saw Severus there as she expected. He was wearing his usual garb, with an expression that displayed his usual snark mixed with just a bit of unease. She was grateful to not be the only one who was nervous.

Gliding into the room as graceful as ever, he seated himself in a fancy wingback armchair that he transformed for himself.

With a look that said, was that really necessary, she went to sit in her own perfectly good chair.

"You asked for a teacher I believe?" Snape questioned.

"Yes," she answered slowly, suspicious of his calculating demeanor.

"So, you are to be my pupil. A good little girl who does what she's told."

"Is this really necessary?" Minerva started to argue, but he cut her off.

"If we are to continue, you will do as you are told." He sat there looking as cool and confident as ever, but no real emotion was no display.

Sighing heavily, she relented, "We have an agreement."

Without a moment's pause, he ordered, "Take off your clothes."

"Just like that?" she questioned. When he just stared, she started towards her bedroom.

"No, Here," Severus ordered. She turned around confused, and asked, "What?"

Speaking each word carefully, he repeated, "Take off your clothes, Here."

Minerva was already getting angry at the man and he had been there less than five minutes. Turning away, so she didn't have to look at him, Minerva started to undo the fastenings on her robes.

"Turn Around."

Only the potential embarrassment and prospect of failure kept her from kicking him out right there. Why did he always make her so angry, and why is he doing a better job now than ever before.

She put her brave, confident, head of Gryffindor, Stern professor face on, and turned around to make eye contact with the bat of the dungeons while she continued to remove her robes.

When she was down to her shift and undergarments, Minerva paused.

"Keep going," He said as if it were nothing.

Setting her teeth, Minerva pulled her shift over her head and threw it on the floor.

"Happy?" She was angry now, just waiting for an opportunity to turn the tables.

Standing, Snape walked around her admiring the view before stopping inches from her.

When he didn't say anything, she had to break the silence. "Can I help you?"

"Precisely," He answered

"What?" she asked, feeling so angry and anxious that she couldn't think straight.

"I seem to be a little overdressed for this occasion don't you think."

The nervousness from earlier was completely replaced now by anger and a determination to best him in some way tonight. With a huff, she reached out and started undoing the buttons on his coat.

Eventually she had it unbuttoned to find a white shirt tucked into his trousers. Continuing on her mission, she attacked the shirt buttons until she could remove the shirt too. Under his crisp white shirt, she could see lean muscle and souvenirs from the many battles he'd fought, but it didn't matter right now, because she was going to win this, whatever it was that they were doing.

Next were his trousers. Admittedly, she really didn't know how wizards' trousers worked. Most of the muggle ones had buttons and zips, but these had none that she could see. carefully, she ran her hand around the waistband, but there was nothing. After a few more attempts at finding some hidden secret, she gave up. "Take your own bloody trousers off."

"The great Minerva McGonagall, outsmarted by an article of clothing," He looked like he might just laugh.

"I'm done playing your games. I thought you were supposed to teach me, not just order me around." Turning away, she started towards her bedroom but he caught up and grabbed her from behind. With one arm around her waist, he held her to him as he whispered in her ear. "I thought you would sense the transfiguration well before now considering that is part of your job."

Within seconds, Minerva broke away from Severus, vanished all his clothes, and pinned him against the wall with magic. Her anger fueled her magic and she was fuming at this point. Walking over to him, Minerva stopped inches from him and stated, "Teaching suits you, this lesson was very enlightening."

Even mostly restrained, he still maintained his bravado. "We haven't even gotten to the good part yet."

Feeling like she was about to hex someone, Minerva practically yelled, "Why are you trying to make me even more angry."

Severus smiled, and Minerva lost her concentration long enough for him to break free. "Why you ask, because angry sex is much better than nervous sex." Then he and pinned her against the wall where he had been seconds ago.

"I hate you," she managed.

"I know," He answered.


End file.
